A pinch of Reyapot's Crazy Thoughts and Disturbed Emotions

I wrote the following post last Sunday night. I was so... “crazy” (?) ... “disturbed” (?) ... I was not able to sleep.. I try to figure out what to do so I can keep my mind away from certain thoughts that I don't want to think about. In other words, I am having a “moment” last night. Whatever “moment” it was, evidently, I don't know what to call it, you can probably help me giving it a name.

I am not always like this, I mean, I am not always in this state. I always have “moments”, but this level of “moment” is very different from the rest. I don't know what's happening. Maybe I am just tired – physically and emotionally tired; and spiritually confused.

Anyway, here it goes... have a taste of Reyapot's thoughts and emotions.


October 5, Sunday
8:34pm, in my room

I am not sure what to do now. I decided not to watch tv and stay in my room instead. I was thinking of sleeping early and not going online. No blogging tonight. I think I need to give my mind a rest. I think I need to have more sleep. I have been very.. uhm.. absent minded (?) lately. I am not sure what to call it actually. I just feel that I have been out of focus in everything that I do, whether it would be at work, at home, and even with my personal life. I feel that I lost control of things or should I say I lost track of things. And I can feel confusion seeping through my veins.

As I lay in bed, my eyes closed, I am trying to free my mind from thoughts about work.. about life...
...
...
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Oh dear! This is hard!

Maybe I should read a book. I still have not finished reading “Tuesday's with Morrie”. Wait! I think I would rather not. It might trigger more thinking and analyzing. I don't want that. I want to free my mind from thoughts.

And so I close my eyes again. Trying to think of other books that I can read.
...
...poetry?...
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...bob ong?..
...my book about how to be rich?...
...

Maybe I should get online and update my blog. I should start following the schedule of my postings which I thought about last week. On Tuesdays, I will post lyrics of songs that I love; songs which I can relate to; which are special to me. On Thursdays, I will write the Meet Ruth posts. Weekends are for tags and memes. And my random thoughts write ups in between.

Its Sunday today. I have no memes nor tags to post. What do I do now? I can do some blog hopping. Or finish the posts I have been working on for the last three days. I think this post schedule is not a good idea. What if I don't feel like writing about Meet Ruth on Thursdays? Oh, I think that is what they call the “writer's block”.... Sometimes I feel that... I can't think of anything to write about.. Hmmm... writer's block?... cool!... Can you believe that??? I am a writer – hahaha...
...
...
...

Better write this down. This is the random-thoughts-write-up thing.

Its 9:16pm. I think I better go to sleep now. I will be reporting for work in our QC office tomorrow. We have a meeting with the contractors. There are so many things to do. I need to be focused tomorrow. I need my mind recharged.

I slept this afternoon, from 2:30pm to 5:30pm. I feel there's peace when I sleep. Time passes me by. And I feel, subconsciously, I am wishing, I am hoping that when I wake up everything will be alright... everything will be fine.

Can I just sleep for the rest of my life? Or until I feel that it is okay to wake up? (sigh..) I am tired. And I don't know what to do about it. Surely I can take a rest. But still, it will never go away. I want it to go away.

I better stop writing now. I feel it is coming back. I better go to sleep now. Got to make it stop and go away.. at least for a while. At least for the night... at least for tonight.