They Need You

While I was walking home the other night, I was thinking about the new business I want to embarked in this holiday season. I was planning my schedule for the week and thinking of the people I need to coordinate with for the funds I need. In the midst of my thoughts, “a moment of realization” suddenly cut through. A realization NOT related to my business planning.

“Maybe they need you more than I do?”

This is the sudden realization that came through my mind.

Maybe they need you more than I do?
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They need you more than I do.
She needs you more than I do.

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They need you more than I do.

At this point, my mind was no longer thinking of my business plan for the Christmas season. I remembered the questions I asked you the other night. I shouldn't have asked you those questions. Now, it got me wondering if asking you those questions makes me selfish. And as I wonder, these words continue to linger in my mind... They need you more than I do.


When I finally got home, I found myself uttering these words “they need you more than I do”.
And if you have not noticed, this is the 8th time I am writing these words - “they need you more than I do”.

Apart from the wondering if I already lost my generosity and selflessness, I searched other emotions that might be crawling through my heart as I continue to utter the words “they need you more than I do”

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I don't feel anything different.

I am still aware that there is nothing I can do about the situation, and I still feel sad about it.

The love is still there. The hole that I told you about remains open.

But during that moment of realization, I felt that all of my questions about us will finally get an answer. I know that as soon as this moment sink in to my brain and my heart, I am sure that everything will be clear. Everything will be easier to accept. And the path to moving on will open soon. It won't be a smooth path but this "moment of realization" will help me in making the journey less hard and less painful.